Clinical Member, American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy

Diplomate in Psychotherapy, American Board of Psychotherapy

Diplomate in Clinical Psychology, American Board of Professional Psychology

Fellow, American Academy of Clinical Psychology

35 YEARS OF EXPERIENCE

(201) 837-0066
 

Warm, Compassionate, Nonjudgmental,
Solution-Oriented Help
by a Dually Licensed Marriage Counselor and Psychologist

Please note: This website describes my credentials, expertise,
and services to married and unmarried couples in my capacity as a
New Jersey Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist.

For a similar description of my services for individual psychotherapy or
counseling in my capacity as a Licensed Psychologist,
please go to my other website: www.PsychologistNJ.US

Marriage Counseling and Pre-Marital Counseling;  Relationship Help for Couples of All Ages (Click Here) Training Programs for:  1. Complaining Diplomatically & Arguing Without Fighting. 2.  Effective Communication & Problem Solving Skills for Longterm Marital Harmony. (Click Here)

Infidelity, Lack of Trust, Physical or Emotional Separation, Threat of Divorce, and "Roommate Living."   Individual Counseling and Therapy for a Variety of Other Problems.  Immediate Appointments for Crisis Situations.

Reuben E. Gross, PhD, dually licensed marriage counselor and board certified psychologist, 35+ yrs exp, offers warm, active, nonjudgmental, solution-oriented couples counseling and relationship help. Dr. Gross is a highly trained, credentialed, experienced, and caring Marriage Counselor and Psychologist, Licensed by the New Jersey State Board of Marriage Counselors, and the New Jersey State Board of Psychologists. He has been in private practice for more than three decades in Teaneck, NJ, Bergen Cty, and formerly in New York City while teaching and supervising marriage counselors and psychotherapists as a professor or clinical supervisor at universities and psychological clinics. He has also conducted marital enhancement workshops and communication seminars for married and premarital couples at the Teaneck Community Education Center in Teaneck, New Jersey. For a full description of Dr. Gross' credentials and resume please click here.

 
In spite of all of his training, degrees and credentials (or perhaps because of them), Dr. Gross is a very down-to-earth person who offers a warm, personal, active, and nonjudgmental approach to marriage counseling, premarital couple counseling, and individual psychotherapy. As an experienced marriage counselor and psychologist, he will help you address your individual or couple's problems with highly structured, solution-oriented counseling techniques, and he is geared to working with you as rapidly as possible. He will treat you with respect, dignity, and compassion and will insure maximum confidentiality.

Relationship Counseling for Married and Unmarried Couples

Marriage and couple counseling is an educational experience that emphasizes self-exploration, self-revelation, and the acquisition of interactive skills, which promote mutual understanding, recognition, respect, and appreciation of your partner. Other goals include learning, developing, and practicing in session with Dr. Gross, and at home, techniques for constructive communication and conflict-resolution for long-term marital harmony. This approach equips you and your partner with lifetime tools that will enable you to honestly and effectively confront and resolve whatever problems may arise in the future. 

In relationship counseling for married and unmarried couples, Bergen Marriage Counseling in Bergen County, NJ has a highly developed training program to help couples improve their communication and problem-solving skills. This program is particularly helpful with couples that chronically fight, argue futilely, withdraw during arguments, or have become so discouraged that they have virtually stopped communicating altogether. Dr. Gross will teach you constructive communication skills, which will enable you and your partner to explore problems as a team and come up with solutions that meet both of your needs.  For more information on this subject, please Click here for an article on "How to Complain Diplomatically and Argue Constructively without Fighting: Looking for a Win-Win Situation" and for other articles on "Communication."

Dr. Gross will help you with a wide variety of problems and the resulting emotions that are at issue. Couples often report frustration, disappointment, hurt, anger, loneliness, pain and depression due to poor communication, lack of understanding, diminished affection, loss of friendship, infrequent sex, and a general lack of togetherness. Additional areas of concern may involve lack of respect for partner's opinions or feelings, insensitivity to each other's emotional needs and disproportionate outbursts of anger. Dr. Gross will help you explore, evaluate, and agree upon your respective roles and responsibilities to each other, children (if you have any from this or a previous relationship), the day-to-day tasks of making plans for the couple, and running the household. Other problems may center about money, activities of partner outside of the home, relationships with ex lovers or ex spouses, interference from in laws, and a need for anger management.

Dr. Gross is also sensitive to, and very experienced with crisis situations such as a clear blow to the marital bond due to lying or infidelity and the consequent emergence of lack of trust. Other crises include doubts in the heart of one person whether or not to stay in the relationship/marriage and/or inability to commit in the first place. But even when one partner has doubts about compatibility and prospects for happiness and stability for the long term, and is barely holding onto the relationship, the other partner may have a very strong wish to solidify the relationship and is willing to do virtually anything to please their partner and save the marriage. Dissimilarity in goals, or a disparity between each partner's willingness to invest great effort into the relationship occurs with both married and unmarried couples. Consequently, when one person slacks off, the other must work twice as hard to get the relationship back on track—if he/she thinks that it is worth it, then the relationship help will work.

What if Only One Person is Motivated?

I sometimes compare such a situation to two people in a canoe on a big lake. If the sky clouds up, a wind starts blowing and a storm is brewing they should both paddle as hard as they can to get back to shore. If one person slacks off for whatever reason, perhaps they are tired, their muscles are strained, or they simply don't understand the danger of being swamped by the strong winds and waves, the other person should do his or her best to convince the other of the urgency of the situation, but in either case must paddle twice as hard. This is not the time to keep score. The first order of business is to get to safety. Now, analogies have their limits, but you get my point.

Back to the marriage: In such a case, the more motivated partner should present the need for professional help and try to get spousal agreement by making the reasonable argument, "Look, we can't go on this way and we're not making any progress by ourselves." That person should express his/her willingness to make the call to the marriage counselor to set up an appointment that is convenient to both spouses. Hopefully there is mutual agreement.

If one partner is still reluctant to go along, the motivated partner should express readiness to go alone. This is not an admission of weakness; it is an indication of good mental health. In general, it is the more mentally healthy person who recognizes the danger signs in a relationship and is willing to do something about them. In most cases, the reluctant partner joins the process. But even if that doesn't happen, the first step has been taken, and in a vast majority of cases, the reluctant partner comes to the second or third visit. In a worst case scenario, when the reluctant spouse refuses to go—here too, for a variety of reasons—the motivated spouse knows exactly where he/she stands and must go on with life accordingly. Should the motivated partner decide to fight for the relationship, a lot can be accomplished even if the spouse refuses to join the counseling process. Sad, but true, in many cases the reluctant spouse will agree to marriage counseling only when the willing spouse threatens separation or divorce.

Dr. Gross also works with couples who are separated, and are exploring getting together again, but wish to resolve the issues that split them up in the first place. He will also work with you on issues that stem from conflicts of values and philosophy originating in personality, or different religious, ethnic or cultural backgrounds.